Burnout: The Journey Within
Life can be quite a distraction. We fill up our schedules with work, family, friends, goals, food, alcohol and entertainment. Even when what one would think of as stillness there may be music playing, looking at our phone, reading something or overthinking. How often can you say that you spend time in absolute silence and doing nothing? I remember being on a dating website and talking to a guy who asked me “how much time to you spend in complete silence?”. My reply was that I live and work alone, so I’m alone a lot. He said “that’s not what he meant, but how much in complete silence and not doing something?”. I wasn’t meditating at the time, so my answer was “Not much”. That was over 3 years ago and to this day I truly believe that man was one of my guardian angels speaking to me. I never met him, but we had some great conversations. I had also been reading “Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender” by Dr. David R. Hawkins and unaware that this book was about to transform my life. This man was very familiar with Dr. David R. Hawkins books and also suggested that I read “Power vs. Force” by Hawkins and “The Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman. We ended up going our separate ways. I was clearly not ready to date and decided to embrace the journey within during this adrenal burnout. Ironically, I felt like this man was the teacher that appeared in the book, “The Way of the Peaceful Warrior”.
I decided to start meditating and getting to the deeper issues that got me where I was physically and spiritually. At one point during a meditation I had a lot of emotions come up surrounding lack of forgiveness for myself. I sat there and wept, not in the feeling sorry for myself kind, but more of an awareness. Each time a feeling came up I just decided to let go of it and not connect it to a memory or trauma. I believe we have these undealt with emotions and trauma’s that we carry around and engage in activities to distract us or play out unhealed parts of ourselves with others. On and off through the years I would go into therapy or talk out my “problems”. In that moment on the floor weeping, I had a realization that I didn’t need to go back to all those memories and trauma’s. All I had to do in that moment was accept they were feelings, forgive myself for hanging onto things that only brought me shame, guilt, fear, anxiety and depression, with the realization that I was doing the best I could at where I was at the time. This new perspective took a heavy load off me. I felt lighter and at that moment things started to shift in my healing.
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Even though I was able to let go of so much during that experience that I now call a “spiritual rebirth” but will later experience the body physically needing to let go of trauma’s and feelings stored in the organs. Nutritional balancing has been helping me let go of things forgotten and buried. I no longer sit in that stuff because I understand that it’s just feelings and to let of them. I’ve noticed that my memory is foggy now about my past. Maybe because I don’t identify with it anymore or feel a need to talk about it. There are also a lot of wonderful moments of deep gratitude that fill my heart with so much love and warmth. In working on myself and with others I noticed that people who have a lot of physical ailments are just traumatized souls. A trauma can be anything that we feel traumatized by.
If you are in burnout and wondering why this is happening, I encourage you to sit in silence and allow yourself to feel. Don’t get caught up in the memories or labeling, but just feel. Sometimes I visualize hugging my inner wounded child as a mother consoles her child. Be gentle and kind to yourself. You are a beautiful spirit full of light and love. Embrace everything that you are and allow the burnout to transform you to who you were before you experienced the things that separated you from LOVE.